-------- If we think that our life as we know it now is a collection of choices we made, one could be surprised at how much autonomy we have…---------
We all get triggered!
We all make mistakes!
External events that are unpleasant happen to all of us!
Life works in ways that we do not understand!
And we have one incredibly powerful thing that is available to most of us at all times. Choice.
Here is my guide on the 3 steps towards exercising Radical Ownership in your life.
The power of choice is immense and can take us from a state of feeling sorry for ourselves to expanding with every challenge that comes our way.
This is what I refer to as a concept of switching gears — from a victim mindset to a victor mindset, and along the way, we get to choose what state is more empowering for us. Of course, if we are too deep in the waters of self-pitying or, as it often happens, in a state of hurt (because let’s face it, we all get hurt and painful things do happen to us), we can be swayed toward sitting in the victim mindset because there we get to blame things on others, on life.
If, however, we step into a victor mindset through choice, we start to feel a hefty weight of personal responsibility, for our feelings and emotions. We get to feel empowered even when it doesn’t feel easy. We take the high road of grace and acceptance, trusting that everything that happens in life, happens for us and not against us. If only we can extract a lesson and trust that everything is on purpose.
And for us to switch sides and start playing in the field of personal ownership, we must first go through a series of steps that will naturally guide us towards acceptance, if we approach them with honesty and compassion.
This first step is Enquiry.
1. IS IT TRUE?
Whenever something happens that shatters our internal balance or peace we must first question to get clarity. It’s best to do this as soon as you catch yourself perceiving or interpreting things. For example, you had a wonderful first date, and the next day whilst you exchange messages, your date delayed their response. The panic, the agony. And, if we are given enough time combined with some unpleasant past experiences of dating, we can start to manufacture a story in our minds, bringing on feelings of anxiety. We might even arrive at “I must have done or said something to turn them off.” Here we must watch our for “They did this, and so this must mean this…” Our imagination goes wild and we interpret things through filters and lenses, most of which are not ours, but adopted and borrowed from our caregivers, or are a result of past trauma and the nervous system trying to protect us from future threats.
Pause. Ask yourself — Is it true? Whatever I am telling myself, is it true?
Chances are, it is not. Because we rarely know anything for certain, especially when it comes to other people’s emotions and feelings. Hey, we struggle with being able to acknowledge our feelings and emotions, how could we possibly correctly perceive what others are thinking unless they communicate it to us. So, you can stop here and return to a state of peace within.
If, however, something is true — and I will use a different example here — e.g you made a mistake by saying something hurtful to someone you care about amid high emotions, are now feeling awful about it and have gone through step 1, and arrived at Yes.
Yes, I am indeed feeling guilty and disappointed in myself.
We move on to Step 2 — Potential Action.
2. CAN I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
If the answer is NO, time to stop and return to the inner equilibrium. It might be challenging and sometimes disheartening, yet deep down we know there is nothing to be done, just own our actions, extract a lesson and move on to step 3.
If the answer is YES — this is the opportune moment where we can take conscious action to correct something, to act with integrity, to erase the low vibrational imprint. We cannot reverse anything, such as the beauty and challenge of life, it is non-linear and we are constantly riding waves, so there is little purpose to worrying. instead — ask a useful question and wait for an answer to arise. Then take action, with devotion to resolution.
And finally, we move on to the most graceful step — Acceptance.
3. CAN I SURVIVE AND FLOURISH DESPITE IT?
I call this the most graceful step because it takes real compassion, courage, humanity and the ability to forgive, to play in this energy field.
If we have gone through steps and arrived here, we are consciously softening into acceptance. Because no matter how badly we got hurt or hurt someone else, we must take responsibility for our actions. We cannot take responsibility for someone else’s, and where we need our quality of humanity to take the wheel. And forgiveness.
In the majority of cases, we find it much easier to forgive someone else’s mistakes than our own.
That is precisely what keeps us caged in shame and guilt which blocks vitality and life force. Very few things are within our control, but the choice to move past something with grace is always ours.
Own your choice, and practice full ownership of your actions, emotions and focus. Of course, we will all slip in some situations, and it is not about being perfect in our approach, it is about how quickly we can recalibrate and recuperate and come back to conscious living, instead of getting stuck in loops of behaviours that do not serve our highest self. Break that cycle again and again until it becomes habitual to self-enquire and pause before you react.
Because, as Einstein said,
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”